The Moneyologist: My daughter earned millions at Google, but her boyfriend has student debt — should she get a prenup?

The Moneyologist: My daughter earned millions at Google, but her boyfriend has student debt — should she get a prenup?
The Moneyologist: My daughter earned millions at Google, but her boyfriend has student debt — should she get a prenup?

The Moneyologist: My daughter earned millions at Google, but her boyfriend has student debt — should she get a prenup?

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Dear Moneyologist,

As a father I have worries about my daughter dating this guy who has student loans. My daughter has few million dollars in assets, She worked for Google for a few years. They both have Ph.Ds and live in Massachusetts. I am asking her to sign a prenuptial agreement if she decides to wed this guy .What other steps does she need to do to protect herself financially if things don’t work out? The other option is to stay unmarried.

Concerned Father

Dear Concerned,

Brace yourself. I have a long answer for what was a very short question.

I’ve received letters from a father who wanted to disinherit his daughter because she wanted to marry a man he did not approve of. To cut a long story short, he realized that to make good on his promise would alienate his daughter further and create a rift that could last a lifetime. He realized he was being far too controlling. Good for him.

And then there was the stepmother who fretted about her stepchildren’s student debt and how that might impact her retirement and her husband’s credit score. He had co-signed on that debt and she was concerned that, if these stepchildren died, her husband would be on the hook for the debt. Yes, this is what people care about.

Don’t miss: My husband mooched off me for 8 years — should I spend my money before we divorce?

They are what I call classics. I never forgot them, even though I’ve received hundreds of letters. Yours is not the most controlling. You are coming from a genuine place of concern for your daughter’s well-being. You want her to hold onto her wealth so tightly that, well, she should even decide not to marry – unless, I assume, she meets someone who has an equal amount of wealth.

Your daughter is smart and the law is on her side. In community property states, she takes out of the marriage what she brought into it. In other states, assets are divided fairly and equitably. Of course, a prenuptial agreement is an option, along with separate bank accounts, using non-marital funds for her primary residence, and creating a revocable living trust. But these are her decisions, not yours.

Also see: My husband is either giving $300,000 to a religious cult, being blackmailed — or plotting a divorce

As Janet McClintock Aaron wrote in our Facebook Group: “Why does a father who has a daughter with a Ph.D and a few million in assets feel that he has to worry about protecting her from a guy, also with a Ph.D., who has student loans? If she worked for Google for a few years and STILL has her millions, I think she is smart enough to figure this out. Speak your piece once Dad and then lay off.”

Others suggest that student debt, which now tops $1.4 trillion nationally, is not a sign of a bad character. Quite the contrary, it’s a sign of someone who is willing to plow his own furrow, much like your daughter. Colin Wiesner wrote: “Can’t this guy be like a lot of Americans and get some responsible debt like credit cards and personal loans? Maybe a gambling addiction, too.” He’s being ironic. Don’t look for trouble where there is none.

Read also: My mother saved $10,000 for my wedding. I’m now 41 — should I spend it on a house?

Your daughter’s boyfriend likely has a bright future. She may have stumbled upon one of the last taboos of marriage between a man and a woman. Women with higher incomes preferred men who had a steady income or made similar money, according to a survey of 28,000 heterosexual men and women aged between 18 and 75 in the journal “Personality and Individual Differences.” And what did wealthy men look for? Women with slender bodies. (Insert your sad emoji here.)

What’s more, marriage rates are more closely linked to socio-economic status than ever before. In 2015, among adults ages 25 and older, 65% with a four-year college degree were married, compared with 55% of those with some college education and 50% among those with no education beyond high school, according to analysis of U.S. Census Bureau data by the Pew Research Center. Twenty-five years earlier, the marriage rate was above 60% for each of these groups.

So your daughter is living in an age where such a wealth imbalance is not so unusual. She is also fortunate that she is not bedeviled by many of the financial strains that can weigh on a marriage. My advice: Make your prenuptial-agreement suggestion and leave it at that.

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Hello there, MarketWatchers. Check out the Moneyologist private Facebook group, where we look for answers to life’s thorniest money issues. Readers write in to me with all sorts of dilemmas: inheritance, wills, divorce, tipping, gifting. I often talk to lawyers, accountants, financial advisers and other experts, in addition to offering my own thoughts. I receive more letters than I could ever answer, so I’ll be bringing all of that guidance — including some you might not see in these columns — to this group. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyologist columns.

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